Clumsy
by Kolie
Summary: Love was a foreign subject to me, something I didn’t focus on and didn’t really care about. And then HE came into the picture. Inspired by "Clumsy" by Fergie, Akuroku


Don't rub your eyes...don't adjust your television screens. That's right. I live and am posting something new! _:keels over:_ This has actually been a long time coming. I started it about six months ago, so yeah...

I hope you enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language and shonen-ai/yaoi…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney… "Clumsy" belongs to Fergie (from her _The Dutchess_ album)

"…_so clumsy 'cause I'm fallin' in love…"_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Clumsy**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

Love…

It was a foreign subject to me. Something I didn't focus on and didn't really care about. I was a senior in high school. It was already hard enough for me to juggle all my soccer practices and games _and _my homework so I could keep decent grades and not be kicked off the team. Anything lower than a C in any of my classes and it was over for me. I could kiss my soccer playing days goodbye.

Some people, however, didn't understand that. As I was constantly reminded by Naminé, my best friend, and Sora, my cousin, I was fairly good looking. I was only about 5'6", not too tall, and I weighed about 110 pounds, but most of it was muscle that I had built up through my many years of playing soccer. I had the characteristic brilliant blue eyes that were a trait of the Strife family, and disheveled blonde hair. My style was… I don't know. I didn't pay much attention to the latest fashion trends. I liked black, but I also liked some color too. I'd had the same pair of black and red Adios for three years and they were still presentable. Why spend eighty dollars on a new pair of shoes when the ones I had still worked perfectly fine?

To tell the truth, though, I was tired of being lonely. Of course I had Naminé and Sora around me, but that was different. It felt like I was missing a part of me that neither one of them could fill. As it was, I could never date either of them. To date Naminé would be like dating my big sister, and Sora was my cousin—flesh and blood. Ew. Either way spelled taboo. I was in a place where I was all right not being in a relationship, but I wouldn't complain if I happened to stumble into one. It was…touchy.

So, if love was such a foreign (and touchy) subject to me, why I had willing subjected myself to torment? Why had I answered the phone when Naminé called when I knew that she would harp on me for spending yet another Friday night at home by myself when I could have been out enjoying it with someone? And dammit! Why had I agreed to meet her in the café on the corner of 8th and Spring when I knew that all she wanted was to pry into my personal life?

Because she was my beautiful blonde best friend and somewhere—deep down in the lowest, darkest place of my heart—I knew that she was only doing what she was because she cared about me in that older sister kind of way she always had since we were kids. Well…that, and I had never been able to tell the girl no. She knew that and abused the privilege viciously every day.

And now I was waiting for her, sitting in a booth in the corner of the café with the ear buds for my iPod shoved in my ears to I could drown out the clamor of everyone around me with Bullet for My Valentine. Sighing heavily, I propped my chin on my fist and toyed with the straw in my raspberry and orange smoothie while I stared at the people on the street who passed by the window.

Dusk was beginning to fall on Twilight Town. To me, it was the most beautiful time of day. The sky resembled and angry painting, as if the artist had gone crazy and splashed reds, yellows, oranges, and purples across his canvas. Along with the moon, one could just barely make out the glimmers of stars. The best part was that it wasn't a very long drive to find a clear, open spot to lie on your back and watch the stars, laughing over different constellations and the rare shooting star.

I jumped out of my thoughts when one of my ear buds was pulled out of my ear, prepared to tell off whoever had dared touch me, but backed down when I was met with Naminé's sparkling blue eyes. The least I could do was glare at her, but she just smiled and settled down into the booth opposite of me, stealing a sip of my smoothie as she did.

"You weren't waiting long, were you?"

I shook my head, pulling my plastic cup out of her hands as she prepared to take another sip. She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. It was a weak attempt at making me feel sorry for her.

"Aw come on, Roxas. You can't keep being such a sour puss for the rest of your life."

"I'm not a sour puss," I grumbled, turning my eyes back to the passing people on the street.

"You're not?" She snorted. "Maybe if you finally got into a relationship you'd be happier. I hate seeing you so…emo all the time."

"I'm not emo, either."

"Oh, come on, Roxas."

"What? I'm not. Emo people _choose_ to be the way they are because they're crazy. Anyone who would willingly let themselves feel like this is insane. Besides, it's not like I'm not fun…sometimes." _'I'm not always grumpy,'_ I added as an afterthought. I didn't have to say it aloud. She would get it.

A bright smile spread across Naminé's face. "I know. Why don't we go to the Summit? We haven't been there in a while. It's almost dark so we can watch the stars like we always used to."

"You really wanna be surrounded by all the druggies up there?"

She shrugged. "Just because they're getting coked up doesn't mean that we have to too, you know? And it was our place first. Let's go reclaim it. It'll be fun. I bet someone up there will have a joint they're willing to spare…" She wiggled her pale eyebrows playfully and I sighed.

Damn her. She had to be so evil to pull out the joint bribe. Not that I was a druggie or anything. No, I was far from it. But sometimes a person just needed an escape from the world for a little bit. Some people chose alcohol. I chose pot. It was cheaper.

"Fine," I grumbled, wincing when she hugged me across the table.

"I knew you would agree! You've never been able to resist a good escape from everything when you're in this mood."

I rolled my eyes and shoved myself up from the table. "Yeah, yeah. Let's go if we're gonna go, okay?"

"Right."

She jumped up from the table and wrapped her arm around my own, skipping along beside me once we were out on the street. The lights were just starting to flicker on, which meant that the street would be getting busy soon. All the teens who weren't able to drive, but still wanted to hang out with their friends would be flooding the town by the time the sun had completely set.

"Did you walk here?"

"Yeah. I didn't see any reason to drive since I live a block away."

Naminé giggled and pressed a button on her key chain once we were near her car. The headlights on the green Sunfire flashed twice and we climbed inside. I was expecting her to blabber on about something once we got on the road, but she surprised me by turning on the radio. We drove off into the sunset surrounded by the electronic sounds of Abney Park.

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

The Summit was less crowded than it usually was on a Friday night. Only a few cars were parked here and there along the steep, hilly road that led up to the top of the mountain, and from what I could see as Naminé and I walked up, there were only about twenty people dancing, drinking, or smoking around the fire. There were usually at least thirty or forty people on a good weekend.

"Roxas!"

My head snapped up at the familiar voice calling out my name, surprised to see my brunet cousin running toward me and Naminé, dragging his rather irritated looking boyfriend behind him.

"Sora? What are you doing up here?"

He stopped short of me and grinned brilliantly. It was hard to hide the smile that was twitching at the corners of my own lips. His personality was so damned infectious.

"Well…I felt like doing something tonight and Riku suggested that we come up here since we haven't been in a while. I tried calling you but no one answered at your house and your cell went straight to voicemail, so yeah… I figured you were busy or something."

"You thought that I was busy?"

He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "You never know. You could have gotten the itch to go out and do something or another… It seems like you did anyway." He smiled and embraced the girl beside me. "How are ya, Naminé?"

"I'm good. Just trying to keep our favorite emo blonde entertained." She laughed when I glared at her, then turned her attention to Sora's boyfriend. "Hey, Riku."

The silver-haired young man waved and moved to wrap an arm around Sora's waist once the brunet had let go of his arm.

"Anything interesting happening yet?"

Sora shook his head. "Same old, same old. Seeing people high or drunk loses its flair once you've seen it a million and a half times."

I laughed. "Yeah, well…" I let my sentence trail off and searched the crowd of people behind Sora's shoulder for a familiar face.

"Seifer's over in the niche."

I blinked and returned my eyes to my cousin's face, frowning at the blush that formed on my cheeks when I saw the small smile on his lips.

"I'll go, Rox. Just find a place by the fire or something and I'll be there in a minute, okay?"

Before I could even nod my consent, Naminé was walking off in the direction of Seifer's favorite hiding place. A joint, Xanex, Prozac, Adderall, sometimes even coke… If you wanted it, Seifer usually had it, or at least enough of it for you to get a halfway decent high.

"Come on, oh cousin of mine," Sora sang and grabbed onto my arm. It wasn't until then that I noticed Riku had wandered off somewhere. "You can come sit with me by the fire. Riku went to find the friend he ran into a little bit ago."

I nodded and let myself be led toward where he wanted to sit, not really paying attention to anything. My eyes were glued to the dark horizon over the side of the mountain—the flashing red pinpricks of light from the radio towers a mountain over, the head and taillights from cars passing on the two-lane highway below, the stars that shimmered in the sky. It was all so beautiful.

A heavy sigh slipped through my lips as I thought back on the good ole' days, when we would drive up to the Summit just to sit and spend some time away from the world. But then—somehow, someway—Seifer and his gang had found out about our secret little hideout and it became party central. Not even the cops could keep people away. It was irritating. In a way, I felt like my late sophomore and early junior memories had been sullied. But, then again, I wasn't complaining about the "new" Summit, either.

Sora and I grabbed a log by the fire that was long enough for us and one more person to sit on. It wasn't long before I was pulling my hoodie off and tying it around my waist. The fire was pretty big and heat was pouring from it, making sweat breakout across my forehead. I propped my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my hands, letting my eyes roam around the faces of the people that surrounded us.

Most of the people were familiar. Hayner, Pence, Olette, Paine, Rikku, Kairi… People who I had gone to school with since kindergarten. There were very few faces that I didn't know. I guessed that they were just some college students, "friends" that Seifer had made in his first couple of months of school. Or maybe they were kids from the other high school in the town next door. Who knew? Seifer probably did. He knew about everything that happened up there, but that didn't mean I was going to ask him. He was an asshole.

Red hair caught my eye from across the fire. I frowned and let my eyes settle on the person, watching as they talked animatedly with Riku. It seemed that the redhead was who Riku had gone off to hang out with. He looked older than anyone I recognized. Everyone I knew was no older than nineteen. This guy looked like he was at least twenty. He didn't even look like he had come from the area either. He was too…

He turned to look at me and I swear my heart stopped. For a few seconds I couldn't breathe and I couldn't move. All of my motor skills were shot. All I could do was stare into his eyes. I shouldn't have been able to tell that they were green just from the fire light, but they seemed to glow with a light all of their own.

With a wink he looked away, and I was free.

"Stop elbowing me, Roxas! Dammit, it hurts!"

I blinked and was surprised to find that I had been shoving my elbow urgently into Sora's side without even knowing it.

"Who is that?"

He followed my finger and furrowed his brow. "With Riku?" I nodded, and he shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it's Axel. He's who Riku went to find when he wandered off. Why?"

"No reason. And don't smile at me like that. It's creepy!"

The grin on Sora's face grew and he leaned in so he could sing into my ear. "You want to kiss him. You want to date him. You want to love him… Ouch!"

I smiled in a self-satisfied sort of way after I punched him, but still couldn't shake the feeling of…whatever it had been when my eyes had connected with that other guy's. Axel? I would have to discreetly ask Riku what his name was later. Of course, I could always grow some balls and go ask him myself, but yeah… That wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I was a pussy when it came to confrontations.

"I come bearing gifts!"

I shook my head and put a smile on my face as Naminé plopped down onto the log beside me, carefully cradling a rolled joint in her hand.

"It's about damned time. Did Seifer have to grow it?"

She snorted. "No, but I did have to use my feminine charms to get him to give me a halfway decent, _rolled _one. He was gonna make me do it myself."

"Naminé! You whore!"

Her eyes widened and she frowned indignantly. "Oh, shut it! You know I wouldn't do anything like that, especially not just so I could get a joint. Life's reached a pretty low point then."

I snorted and watched as she stuck the joint between her lips and lit it with the lighter she always carried in her pocket, surprised to find that I really didn't want to get high anymore. The alcohol was calling to me stronger, and it kind of freaked me out a bit. I never wanted to get drunk if I could get high instead. I tried to ignore it, though, taking a long hit when Naminé passed the joint to me, letting the smoke fill my lungs until I needed to breathe.

"You really don't want it, do you?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned and watched Naminé take a hit.

"You're just acting like you don't want it." She exhaled and plume of smoke emitted from her mouth. "It's in your eyes."

I sighed. "Am I really that easy to read?"

She smiled and tapped me playfully between the eyes, passing the joint to some random person beside her. "I'll go grab us a bottle."

Before I could complain, she had jumped up from the log and skipped off into the crowd of people that surrounded us. What would I have said anyway? That I didn't want to get drunk? It only would have been half a lie. I wanted to, but somewhere in the back of my head I knew that I shouldn't. I always tended to do stupid things when I was well inebriated.

"You're still staring at him."

I frowned and pulled my eyes away from the redhead across the fire so I could glare at Sora. He was grinning at me knowingly, his eyes shining with that small sparkle that never meant anything good.

"Was not."

"Were to."

"Was not."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"No, you weren't."

"Yes, I was."

"Ha! Gotcha!" His grin was positively evil. It was kind of scary coming from someone I knew didn't have an evil bone in his body.

"I hate you."

"Ah, you'll get over it."

I scowled and quickly grabbed the bottle of alcohol out of Naminé's hand as she came into view. I twisted off the top without reading the label and downed a decent amount. I expected it to burn. I expected myself to cough overdramatically. I didn't expect it to taste like coconuts, or for me to actually enjoy it. Before Naminé could grab the bottle out of my hands, I took another long drink and handed it back to her. The world was already swimming quite nicely.

"You shouldn't drink so much at once, Rox," Naminé scolded, taking a drink from the bottle herself. "You've got the alcohol tolerance of a rat, remember?"

"I don't care, just… Give me the bottle." I grabbed the bottle from her hands and swallowed as much as I could before Naminé yanked it away from me.

"Seriously, Roxas. Don't. The last thing we need is for you to get used to this stuff."

I giggled happily, something that I never would have let myself do had I been sober. "But it doesn't taste like alcohol. It tastes like coconuts and it's really tasty."

Sora and Naminé sighed in unison.

"Well that didn't take long," Naminé muttered.

Sora chuckled. "You know. I don't think I've ever seen him drunk before."

"Hey!" I frowned and shoved myself up from the log. "I'm not du-runk, I'm just buzzin' a little bit. Now give me back the rum."

Naminé shook her head and I frowned, but then a wicked idea formed in my head and a smile spread across my face. I could tell that it must have been a pretty evil smile from the way Naminé's eyes widened and she hugged the bottle of rum to her chest tightly.

"Roxas…?"

"You know I love you, right, Nam?" She furrowed her brow, but nodded slowly and I smiled. "Good, then please don't take this against me tomorrow when I'm sober."

And then I jumped. Naminé flung her arms into the air to defend herself and I ripped the bottle of her hands. Before she could react and come after me, I ran into the crowd of people and took another long drink from the bottle. My head was swimming even more now. I could tell that it was going to be a good night.

Sometime later, Naminé managed to find me dancing with someone I can't remember and tore the bottle of rum out of my hands. I let her have it without a fight. I would have been too weak to really do much, anyway.

It wasn't long after Naminé took the bottle away that I blacked out. Whatever I did up at the Summit after midnight was anyone's guess.

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

I was lying on something soft and wrapped in a nice warm blanket. I could hear the quiet mumbling of voices somewhere…wherever I was.

Figuring it would be a good idea to see where I had been taken to, I opened my eyes, only to squeeze them closed again as sunlight blinded me and sent a jolt of pain surging through my head. I grumbled something even I couldn't understand and pushed myself up into a sitting position, shielding my eyes with a hand so I could look around the room.

It could have been any college kid's bedroom. From the stack of books on the desk, to the mess of clothes tossed in a corner, it looked pretty normal. Only the large red Jimi Hendrix poster on what I knew was a closet door let me know that I was lying on the floor in Riku's room.

I sighed and lay back down on the pillow, searching my thoughts for anything to tell me how I ended up at Riku's of all places. I remembered meeting Naminé at the café, then she suggested we go up to the Summit. She got a joint, but I didn't want it so then she got some alcohol…

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. Alcohol. Coconut rum. Naminé had grabbed some and I had ended up stealing the bottle from her, getting drunk in the process. But what the hell did I do? How much did I drink? The last thing I could remember was stealing the bottle away from Naminé and dancing off into the crowd. Jesus. I hoped I hadn't done anything too stupid.

When I decided I should finally get my ass up and find out what was going on and how I had gotten to Riku's house in the first place, it took me three tries to finally stand and two tries to pull the door open. I stumbled down the hallway, keeping a hand on the wall for support so I wouldn't fall, and stopped in front of the stairs. My eyes widened. It was a long way down.

Gulping, I grabbed onto the railing for the staircase and held on for dear life as I started to descend. My legs grew more and more wobbly with each step. Halfway down, I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath to convince myself that I would be able to make it. I wasn't going to let the stairs get the best of me. Besides, Sora would never let me live it down if he found me on the stairs, too scared to go down the rest of the way.

"Come on. Breakfast's ready," Riku's voice called from the kitchen. "Sora, would you mind checking on Roxas? Make sure he's not dead or something."

My cousin laughed from the general direction of the living room before he came into view, smiling when he saw me on the stairs. "No checking necessary. He's alive. Looks like he's dead, but he's moving."

An unfamiliar voice snorted behind him. "Maybe he's a vampire."

My heart stopped for the second time in twenty-four hours. The redhead from the party walked into view and stood beside Sora, throwing me a quick wave.

"Hiya."

I nodded because it was the only thing I could do. I could hardly even swallow, much less speak, but I knew that I couldn't stay up on the stairs forever, no matter how badly I wanted to. Just stay there for the rest of the day. It would have been nice.

I closed my eyes and took a moment to center myself before I picked up on my descent. One step. Two steps. Only ten more 'til the bottom. Three steps. Fou…

My left foot slipped out from underneath me and I fell hard on my ass. But of course my humiliation couldn't have ended there. Once I landed on my ass, I slid rather ungracefully down the remaining eight steps, tumbling forward and onto my face once I finally landed at the bottom.

"Shit," I groaned and curled up into a ball, cradling my head in my hands.

"Jesus, Rox. Are you okay?" Sora shouted, grabbing my shoulder and rolling me onto my back.

All I could do was groan. And what did Sora do? Help me up and pat my back, telling me that it was going to be okay? Pft. Yeah, right. He _laughed_…and hysterically at that. Leave it to my cousin to die of laughter when someone is hurt. He always asks if they're okay first, of course, and if they are he almost suffocates from hyperventilation.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I opened my eyes just in time to see Riku rush into the foyer, his eyes wide. "What the fuck? Are you okay, Roxas? Sora, what's so damned funny? He could have gotten hurt!"

Despite how much pain I was in, I had to resist the urge to laugh almost as hysterically as Sora was. Seeing Riku worried about someone else's well-being outside of his own or Sora's was extremely out of character.

"What the hell happened?"

"He fell down the stairs," Sora gasped once he had finished his laughing, wiping tears from his cheeks. "He was just walking and then…_foop_…" He animated what had happened with his hand and snorted. "His feet flew out from under him and he fell."

Riku sighed and ran a frustrated hand back through his hair. I could tell that he was thinking the same thing I had been wondering about for the past two years of my life, ever since he and Sora had started dating… How the _hell_ did he manage to put up with Sora's childishness?

Unfamiliar laughter managed to pull me out of my thoughts and into reality…onto who had been the focus of my attention (against my will, of course) when I had fallen down the stairs. The redhead had a hand over his mouth to try and hide his chuckles, but he wasn't doing a very good job. His shoulders bounced and his eyes shined with laughter.

"And just who the hell are you to think that it's funny when someone you've never met before falls down the stairs?" I snapped as I pushed myself up from the floor so I could at least sit.

Riku rolled his eyes and shook his head. "This Axel. He's my roommate at school. So yeah… Axel, Roxas. Roxas—"

"Axel." The redhead stepped forward and held out a hand. "Lemme help you up."

"Tch." I rolled my eyes and slapped his hand away. "I can get up on my own, thanks."

I crouched on my haunches and used my hands against the wall to help me get onto my feet. My knees were a little wobbly, but not so much that I would completely fall on my face if I started walking. Satisfied, I let go of the wall, pushing my way past a still chuckling Sora and rather perplexed looking Axel, and smiled at Riku.

"You said something about breakfast?"

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

After such a fun-filled weekend (note the sarcasm), it was nice to get back to school on Monday. The constant hustle and bustle was a nice distraction from my constant thoughts about Axel. And they weren't _those _kind of thoughts, mind you. You know… The kind where he did _those_ things to me. Okay, well, maybe some of them were, but not all of them because I hated him. He was annoying and stared at me _way_ too much for comfort. It was kind of creepy, actually.

I had ended up spending the entire weekend at Riku's house with Sora, as had Axel because he had come back from college with Riku so he could meet the people and "stop being so damned antisocial" as the silveret had said. I honestly don't know where the antisocial bit came from. Axel was anything but antisocial from what I saw. He was loud and flamboyant, outspoken and opinionated, and he didn't care who knew it.

I had to try my hardest to hold back an aggravated groan in the middle of my government class when I realized that I was thinking about him again. Only the gods knew what the teacher would do if I did something out of line. She hated me because I was related to Sora's loud ass. How shitty. Well…it could have also been because I was rather opinionated when it came to politics and most of my ideas completely clashed with hers. I was very liberal and she was _extremely_ conservative. Hm… Who woulda thunk it?

When the bell finally rang for class to end I was happy. I was free and didn't have to bite my tongue while the teacher talked about religion in schools and the war. I didn't need to dig myself any deeper into shit than I already was.

Sora was digging around in his locker when I got to my own. The lockers in our school were arranged in alphabetical order by last name, so seeing that ours was the same, we were right next to each other.

I landed a sharp smack on my cousin's ass as I switched my books in my arms so I could open my locker. He yelped loudly and jumped backwards with an indignant glare on his face.

"That area is off limits, thanks," he barked.

I snorted and looked over the skin tight pants he was wearing, which hadn't really hid much when he'd been bent down digging in his locker. "If no one can touch then I suggest you stop advertising it with your girl pants."

Sora smirked. "You're just jealous because my girl pants are sexy."

"Ri-ight…," I rolled my eyes and threw my government books into my locker, grabbing the ones for my chemistry class next. "Did you remember to do the chem. homework?"

He bit his lip and I couldn't help but scowl.

"Seriously, Sora."

"What?!"

"We're seniors now. This is the year to be worried about getting good grades."

He snorted. "Calm down, Rox. Jesus. I've pulled through the past three years with a 3.5 grade point average. I think I can have one year to slack a bit. And besides, it's not like Mr. Just Make Sure I Have Your Homework Before the Test or Else You Won't Get a Grade is going to care whether or not I have it today or not."

I rolled my eyes and started to walk away. "Whatever."

"Hey!" Sora slammed his locker closed and ran so he could catch up with me. "I'm surprised you found the time to even do your homework over the weekend. Things were so crazy and your eyes were constantly glued to Axel, so… Shit!"

I tried and failed to hold back a bark of laughter as Sora ate shit all over the floor. Somehow he managed to hold onto all of his books, though I deeply doubted that it helped to break his fall at all.

"What the fuck was that for?!" he shouted as he pushed himself up from the floor, ignoring all of the confused looks that were being sent in his direction.

"You were being an ass."

"I was stating the obvious."

"You were still being an ass."

"Well that didn't mean you had to dead leg me."

"Did you seriously just stomp your foot? I thought only girls did that."

The scowl on Sora's face and the look in his eyes could have killed a thousand men. Fortunately, I was immune. It happens when you spend your entire life around someone. Not even his patented "puppy dog" eyes worked on me anymore.

"Whatever…," he grumbled and hugged his books to his chest. But then his eyes got huge and he pointed off somewhere behind me. "Look! There's Axel!"

Me being me, my heart stopped and I swung around without thinking. "Where?!" And my luck being as horrible as it was, of course the door right in front of me would swing open right as I turned around…and of course I would walk right into it.

"Dammit!" I shouted, dropping my books immediately to the ground so I could clutch my nose.

"Shit, Roxas! Are you okay?" Sora grabbed onto my shoulder and turned me around, what looked to be concern on his face. Or was it laughter? I couldn't tell because of the tears that had invaded my eyes.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" I mumbled through my hands. "Jesus. That fucking hurts."

"Oh, God. You didn't break it did you?"

"It fucking feels like it."

"Well move your hands so I can see."

"Fuck off."

"Roxas, please. Come on." He grabbed onto my wrists and forced them away from my face. The tears that had gathered in my eyes had started to make their ways down my face so I was able to see. At that moment, I wished I was blind so I wouldn't have had to see the terrified look on Sora's face. "Oh, God. Oh, God. You're bleeding. Shit. Shit. What do we do?"

I managed to wrench my wrists out of Sora's grip and stared down at my blood covered hands. Shit. He was right. I _was_ bleeding, and there was nothing I could do to stop my vision from blurring and my head becoming light. Suddenly it sounded like the ocean was surging in my ears. And then there was black…

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

I woke up in my bed. How I got there, I have no idea, but I was glad to be home instead of in the nurse's office at school.

My head was pounding. I closed my eyes and rubbed at my temples gingerly in an attempt to make the pain go away, but it lingered. For the second time in too short a time span, I had to remember what had happened to put me in such a sorry position.

I remembered waking up and going to school. I made it through my first two hours. Government was the last class I remembered. Chemistry should have come next, but no matter how hard I wracked my mind I couldn't remember what we had done in class.

Then I remembered Sora. He'd been a bastard, so I had dead legged him. I chuckled to myself as the image of him falling on his face in the hallway flashed through my mind. And then… Oh, yeah. He'd been a bastard. Heh. A pattern. I don't know why I had fallen for his little "Hey, look. It's Axel!" trick when I knew that Axel didn't go to our high school, but I had nonetheless. And not only had I embarrassed myself by walking into a door, smashing my nose, and then passing out at the smallest glimpse of blood, but now Sora would never shut up about me being attracted to the redhead. Dammit!

Quiet shuffling off to my left made me turn my head. Sora was standing sheepishly in my doorway, his hands clasped behind his back and his teeth worrying his lip. When I didn't say anything, he finally came into my room and took a seat on the side of my bed.

"You're awake."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "No shit."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know that the door was gonna open."

"I know."

And then silence. The only noise in the room was the quiet sound of our combined breathing.

"It's not broken, you know? Your nose, I mean."

I let my eyes slip open so I could look at my cousin. His eyes were glued ashamedly to the floor. I sighed to myself. I was such a bastard. It really hadn't been his fault, but my attitude had made him believe that it had been.

"That's good, then," I said and hit his arm gently with the back of my hand, smiling slightly when he glanced at me.

He frowned and furrowed his brow. "Are you mad at me?"

"Peeved, yes, but not angry. I know that it wasn't your fault. You were just trying to pay me back for being an asshole."

He laughed. "Today gave ultimate meaning to 'payback's a bitch,' huh?"

I laughed, as well. I couldn't help it. It was the truth. "Yeah, I guess it did. How'd you managed to get me back home, anyway? I know you're not strong enough to carry all of my dead weight."

Sora blushed slightly and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, I had to call in some help."

"Riku?"

"Yeah, yeah. He's home and everything, so I figured he would help." His words were too fast and something in his eyes told me that he was stretching the truth just a little further than was necessary.

"You're lying," I said with a stern frown.

"N-no I'm not."

And suddenly realization set in like a ton of bricks. "Oh, gods, Sora. You didn't!"

"I didn't know, Rox! Really! I called Riku for help and he showed up with Axel. Don't get mad at me for something I couldn't control."

I shook my head and buried my face in my hands. "Someone out there really wants me to die in some freak accident, don't they?"

"I'm sorry, Roxas. Really, really sorry."

"He's not still here, is he?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah, he's downstairs with Riku watching TV."

"And he's going with you when you leave, right?" He just stared at me. "Ri-ight?"

"Oh, Roxas. Just until your mom gets home, okay? I can't leave you here alone after you passed out like that."

"Then don't leave."

"That's not fair!"

"And leaving me here alone with _him_ for the gods know how long is fair?"

He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. He was frustrated. Dammit! But if he insisted on someone staying here with me to make sure nothing happened, that someone sure as hell wasn't going to be Axel. Anyone but him.

"It's just for a couple of hours."

"Yeah, a couple too many." I frowned and crossed my arms. I knew that I was being childish, but I could live with it as long as things went the way I wanted them to.

"Roxas, _please_. I didn't get any alone time with Riku this entire weekend. Is some quiet with my boyfriend too much to ask for?"

Okay, so now I was being selfish. An all-time high for me, if I did say so myself. And Sora looked so desperate. Maybe putting up with Axel for a couple of hours for my cousin wouldn't be so bad.

Finally, I sighed in defeat. "As long as he stays downstairs and leaves me alone, then fine. But you're going to owe me for putting up with this torture."

The smile that lit up his face could have put the sun to shame, and I didn't have time to prepare myself before he tackled me back onto the bed.

"Oh, Roxas, thank you! I'll do anything you want to pay you back, okay. Just…don't kill Axel, okay? I can't do anything for you if you're in jail."

I snorted and patted Sora playfully on top of the head. "Don't worry. I'll keep my knives safely in my closet, 'kay?"

"Seriously, Rox."

I sighed. "Just as long as he leaves me the hell alone there's nothing to worry about."

The smile returned and he embraced me quickly before skipping off to the door.

"Call me if you need anything, okay? I'll be just down the street, so don't be shy."

I waved him off to shut him up and he left without another word. Blissful silence filled my room to the point that I could clearly hear Sora telling Axel to stay downstairs unless he _really_ needed something. And then he left, along with Riku, and the silence was pure. The air in my head swirled around my ears until I couldn't stand it anymore and grabbed my iPod.

I was just settling down when my stomach growled, and I could have died. I did _not_, under any circumstances, want to go downstairs and have to deal with Axel. But then my stomach growled again, and I didn't have any choice. I hadn't eaten anything substantial since breakfast and I knew there wasn't anything to eat in my room. I had finished the box of Wheat Thins I kept stashed by my bed the night before.

Grumbling quietly under my breath, I pushed myself up from the bed and made my way downstairs, keeping my earbuds in my ears. It would probably be all for naught, but I was hoping that Axel wouldn't talk to me if I was listening to my music. Just to make sure, though, I turned the music up to as high as I could bear so I wouldn't hear him if he did attempt to talk to me.

My trek down the stairs and into the living room was blissfully Axel-free. I wasn't quite so lucky when I walked into the kitchen and was greeted with his ass sticking out of the refrigerator. I desperately wanted to bitch at him for acting like he was at his own home, but I managed to keep my mouth shut. I knew without a doubt that he would try to talk to me if I talked to him, and I couldn't have that. I may have a prickly disposition, but I had a big heart. Really. I was more like my cousin than most people gave me credit for.

By-passing the fridge, I went to the pantry and dug around for something edible that didn't need cooking to get that way. Unfortunately, the only thing that fit the bill was a box of granola bars, but they would have to do. I grabbed the box and went for the door without even sparing Axel a glance. I should have.

I cried out when a hand grabbed onto my shoulder and spun me around, successfully knocking the buds out of my ears in the process. Then I was face-to-face with Axel and I couldn't remember my name. The screamo music blaring from my headphones was a distant distraction.

His eyes were so green. I'd never thought it was possible to have eyes the color of grass so early in Spring, but there it was, right in front of me. His face was so pale and pointed, but it wasn't unattractive. No, it was anything but. And his breath. Gods, it was so warm on my neck, and the hair that tickled my nose smelled deliciously like oranges. It was strange. After seeing how much he smoked over the weekend, I thought that he would smell like cigarettes, but at the moment I felt like I was drowning in an orange grove. My mind was slipping away.

Then the microwave beeped and slammed me back into reality. What the fuck? This was Axel, and I was actually going to let him cop a feel? Nibble at my neck? Oh, hell no!

All it took was one shove to completely shatter what could possibly have been a steamy moment. Axel tumbled backwards, lost his balance, and fell on his ass, and I had to try my hardest not to burst out in laugher. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him as best as I could.

"What the fuck, Roxas?" Axel shouted, pushing himself up from the floor.

"What the hell's that s'pposed to mean? I should be the one wondering what the fuck's going on."

"I was just about to kiss you."

"What makes you think that I _wanted _you to kiss me in the first place?"

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe just the fact that you stood there like a good little boy and didn't hit me like I thought you would."

"You wanna get hit? 'Cause I can easily remedy that prob—"

In the span of five seconds, I think the world collapsed. Axel grabbed my arm and kissed me, I punched him, he fell on the floor (again), and I just stood there with a hand pressed against my lips like a retard and stared. It didn't take long for my senses to kick in and make me run away, ignoring Axel's calls for me to "Wait!" or whatever. I couldn't wait. I didn't _want _to wait because I didn't want to face what had just happened. It was all too much for my already overloaded mind to handle.

More than anything, though, I didn't want to face the fact that I was attracted to him and that maybe—just maybe—I liked the kiss and wanted the chance to feel it again. But I couldn't. I just couldn't be with someone like Axel.

"Roxas, wait!" Axel called, and my body instantly froze. Damn. How horrible was it now that my own body was betraying my thoughts?

"Please, Rox. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that." He reached for me and I smacked his hand away. Two points to me for regaining control over my body.

"Don't touch me, dammit! I hate you!"

Of all the reactions I could have gotten from the words, the last thing I expected him to do was explode in laughter.

"Seriously, dude. Lay off the Haterade. I should be the one talking about hate here. I mean, if I remember right, you were shit-faced the first time I was introduced to you. Seriously, do you even remember that night?"

I could have answered and told him the truth that no, I didn't remember anything after Naminé had managed to take the rum away from me, but I didn't want to. For one, it would make me look like the worst person in the entire world. For two, I knew that I would lie and for some reason completely unbeknownst to me, I couldn't lie to him without feeling like a giant bag of ass afterwards.

"Just leave me alone, okay?" I finally managed to mutter. "I don't feel well. I'm…gonna go lie down."

"That's it? You're not going to answer my question?"

"I'm going to bed…"

"Turn around and tell me that you're not attracted to me."

No words. I didn't even look at him. I just continued on my merry way to my bedroom so I could lie down and completely remove myself from the conscious world for at least a little while.

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

Things continued in as normal a way as they possibly could. Sora and I went to school together, hung out and did our homework together. And Sora brought up Axel whenever he could in every conversation. It was annoying. My only break from the questions was when Naminé and I hung out. Being around her was nice. She never once asked about Axel. I could tell that she wanted to--and _gods_ did she want to--but she was respectful and kept her mouth shut. I guess she knew how much it was bothering me, and she knew me well enough to know that I didn't like to talk about things that bothered me. Call it unhealthy, but it was how I dealt with life.

It wasn't until a week or so after the "kitchen incident" that she finally decided to say something about…everything. And how did she chose to do it? Over coffee, of course. I guess she thought it was a mood calmer or something.

Naminé sat across the table from me, her blue eyes calculating my every move as she took a sip from her steaming chai latté. It was kind of disconcerting, and I couldn't keep myself from fidgetting nervously under her gaze. Have I ever said that I didn't like getting stared at? Well I don't, and she was staring at me a lot. It scared me.

"You seem nervous, Rox," she finally said nonchalantly, setting her chai back onto the table.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You're staring at me like you're reading into my mind. Of course I'm nervous."

She laughed and the slight hardness of her face softened back to normal. Even so, I couldn't let go of the nerves. I knew that she'd been staring at me for some reason other than what she'd probably say if I asked her. Whatever it was, I didn't want to know. I had learned a long time ago that it was better if I didn't know what was happening in the inner workings of Naminé's mind, especially if it had something to do with me.

"How's school been?"

I blinked and turned my attention back onto her, cursing myself for letting my thoughts stray for even a second. There was no way in hell that she hadn't missed that. "Um, it's okay, I guess."

"Passed out lately?"

I frowned and aimed my most vicious glare in her direction. "Fine, whatever. Just get it over with." I slouched back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chset, waiting for the onslaught.

Naminé put a hand against her chest as if I had said the most insulting thing she ever heard. "What ever makes you think I have ulterior motives with that question?"

"You're not very good at trying to be innocent, first of all. Second, I know that you've known that something has been bothering me since last week. Don't think I don't know what all that staring has been about lately. I'm not an idiot, you know."

She giggled in that cute way that she always did, covering her mouth with a delicate hand, before she calmed down enough to finally speak to me like I was a person instead some toy (which was really annoying by the way).

"Well, I can only assume that something happened with Axel. It's the only reason I can give to your behavior over the past few days."

"And for once you're not making an ass out of you or me by assuming that."

"Ooh, gossip! Details, details!" she exclaimed with a wicked smile.

I sighed heavily and buried my face in my hands, completely mortified at the fact that I was finally going to have to admit something that I had been trying to hide from myself for the past week. "He kissed me."

She squealed, a real literal high-pitched squeal that made almost everyone in the café turn and look at us in annoyance. "Never heard a girl squeal before over juicy gossip, people?" she growled, smiling happily when everyone went back to what they'd been doing beforehand. When she turned to look at me, her face was positively evil. "Did you like it?"

I closed my eyes and swallowed as I said the words that I had sworn to never utter. "Yes."

"Oh, Roxas," she whispered, reaching out and placing a hand over one of my own. "It's okay."

"No, no it's not!" I shook my head viciously. "It's not okay, Nam. It's not."

She frowned and cocked her head to the side while she stared at me. "You've really been beating yourself up about this, haven't you?"

Words wouldn't come, so I just nodded instead.

She sighed. "Roxas, really, it's not that big of a deal. He kissed you because he likes you. And it's _so_ obvious that you like him too. Why can't you just, you know, try it out or something?"

"I don't want to get hurt."

And so we reach an impasse. Sorta. Okay, so it's really not impasse, but whatever.

While it is true that I don't understand love, as was stated in the very beginning, I'm afraid of it at the same time. Many of my friends, including Naminé, had been hurt by someone they'd convinced themselves they were in love with. Just witnessing how hurt they'd been by the rejection of someone who'd "loved" them scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to be in that position. I didn't want to allow myself to be so vulnerable that I would sit in my room and cry for a week because someone I'd loved decided they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Maybe I did want to be in a relationship, but I didn't want to be _that_ person.

"Roxas, you can't be afraid to let go or else you're never gonna find someone."

I blinked out of my thoughts and frowned at her. "Maybe that's the way I want it."

"Oh, whatever, Rox. You know that somewhere deep inside that dark, emo heart of yours all you want is to love someone and be loved in return." The fact that she made lovey eyes and a stupid voice when she said this didn't help matters at all.

"Cliché much?"

"Stubborn much?"

I sighed and took a long drink from the smootie that sat on the table in front of me. "Look, I just. I need some time to think about this, okay?"

"Roxas, you don't have _time _to think about this," she grumbled. "Whenever you think you need to 'think' about something, you take forever. You don't have that much time. For once in your damned life you just need to hold your nose and dive in. Sure, you might get hurt, but you won't know unless you try. Axel could be the best thing to happen to you. Are you just gonna sit here and blow it?"

"You think that _he's_ the best thing that can happen to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Roxas. He's not that bad."

"How do you know? You've never talked to him."

"Oh, contrare," she said with a wicked smile. "I have talked to him. I talked to him while he carried your drunk ass home to Riku's house that night at the Summit. And…" Her wicked smile grew even bigger. "I talked to him yesterday in my English class."

"You have a class with him?!" She continued to smile at me. "Bitch! I hate you sometimes. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. You hate everyone sometimes, but that doesn't stop you from loving them at the same time."

My only answer was a glare. She was right. I knew that she was, but it didn't mean I had to admit it outloud. She'd never let me forget it if I did.

"You know, I could be a complete and utter bitch and just give him your cell phone number one day in class. What would you think about that?"

"I would never speak to you again."

"Oh, whatever. You love me to much."

"You really believe that?"

"Roxas, we've been friends we were in diapers. You wouldn't stop talking to me just because I was attempting to make you smile a little more."

"I smile."

"Hardly."

"You know what?" I stood from the table and glared at her. "Forget this. I'm going home."

"Oh come on, Roxas." She chased after me. I was already out the door by the time she caught up. "You can't really be that mad at me for trying to make you happy."

"I _am_ happy, Naminé! Why won't you believe that?"

"Maybe because every time I look in your eyes when you think no one's paying attention you look like you're going to cry," she shouted. "Ever thought of that? I pay attention even when you don't think I am, Roxas, and so does everyone else. You may think that you're putting on this big bad tough guy act, but we all see through it."

"I do not put on an act."

"Whatever, Roxas." The tired laugh in those words wasn't good. Not at all. "You honestly think that you can tell me that you're not putting on an act, that you're not trying to be someone that you're not just so you can hide. Actually, I'm tired with this little farce of yours. It's annoying and exhausting and I honestly don't understand why I even stay around to put up with it anymore."

"If it's so annoying and exhausting then just leave."

"No! I'm a better person than that and I'm honestly insulted that you'd think I would just walk out on you because you're defensive."

"I'm not defensive."

"But you _are_, Roxas! Did you happen to see the black eye you gave Axel after he kissed you? And have you even listened to one word you've said this entire conversation? All you've been able to do is contradict everything I say when it pertains to you and whatever I think you might be feeling."

"That's not being defensive."

"Oh, it's not?" She laughed. "Well, excuse me then. Just what does it mean to be defensive, pray tell?"

"Fuck off, Naminé." I turned on my heel and started to walk away. Oh, but of course that couldn't happen. The moment I lifted my head to see where the hell I was going, my eyes connected with green ones and the world shattered. I turned back to Naminé and gaped at her. "You invited him here?"

She was crying and the sight tore my heart into pieces, but I couldn't give up the fight. Not yet. "No, Roxas, I swear. I didn't. This is completely a coincidence."

And so I was stuck either way. I could walk forward and run into Axel or I could walk past Naminé and have to deal with the sight of her crying because of me as I walked away. Instead, I looked both ways and stepped over the curb. Crossing the street was a much better idea than having to deal with either one of them right now.

Just as I was stepping out onto the street, a horn blared and everything began to move in hyper speed. Naminé screamed. I looked to my left to see a car hurtling down the street, and I didn't have time to step backwards. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact. When it happened, it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, and it felt like someone was lying on top of me. The pusling of someone's chest as they breathed beat against my own. Someone _was _lying on top of me.

I opened my eyes and was met with red. It was Axel. And I hadn't been hit by the car. He'd managed to run and pull me backwards just in time. I closed my eyes again and hit the back of my head against the sidewalk. Dammit. Now I was wishing the car had hit me.

"Does the sight of me really make you want to kill yourself that badly?"

The pain in that voice made me open my eyes. Axel had moved so he was straddling my waist, each of his arms were situated at either side of my head. His pain filled green eyes were staring deeply into my own.

"I checked."

"You looked right at that fucking car before you stepped out there."

I blinked and furrowed my brow. "I didn't see it."

"So, what? You're blind now? Is that it?"

"No. I'm not."

"Apparently you are. You really are an idiot. Can't you see what's happening? What you've done to Naminé?"

Suddenly I heard the sound of sobs. I looked to my left to see Naminé collapsed on the sidewalk, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably. The old lady who owned the café we always went to was at her side, rubbing her back in an attempt to get her to calm down.

"If you really think that everything is okay, then you need to wake up."

"I'm sorry."

"Not nearly enough," he muttered and stood, offering me a hand to help me stand as well.

The world spun and my head pounded when I was finally on my feet again. It seemed the impact of my head on the sidewalk either when Axel had pulled me back or when I had beat it there on purpose had given me a migraine. I groaned and rubbed my temples gingerly as I slowly made my way to Namimé's side. I fell to my knees and embraced her without words, letting her cling to me and shout obscinities as much as she wanted to. I deserved it.

"Roxas, you fucking ass! What the hell is your problem? Trying to kill yourself? Gods, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. Geez, I'm such a fucking idiot. I really need help. I just made matters worse. Oh, gods."

Her words killed me. In one breath she'd gone from giving me what I deserved to blaming herself for everything. Tears invaded my eyes, but I blinked them back. I knew that right now would be the time to cry, but I couldn't. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't let myself break down.

"No, don't apologize to me, Nam. I'm the one who's sorry."

"Damn right, you dick!"

Despite the moment, I laughed and hugged Naminé tightly to me. I couldn't believe I'd been such an asshole to the one person who really cared about me. I really felt like dying then, if only to get away from the guilt that was slowly beginning to eat away at my heart.

"I need to take a walk, okay? I just… I need to get my thoughts and emotions in order. I feel like I'm giong to explode if I don't do something soon."

She nodded. "Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

"I promise."

"You better."

She smiled at me, tears still dripping down her cheeks. I returned the smile and wiped at her eyes with a thumb before standing and walking away. There was no way in hell that I was going to be able to think about the everything the way I needed to around a sobbing Naminé and judgmental Axel. I needed to get away. I wasn't sure of where I was going yet, but I knew that I would know that place when I found it.

**-x-x-x-x-x-**

Bars had never been my scene, but I figured after today's events, I could make an exception. I settled down onto a stool at the bar and ordered a Coke, too afraid to test my luck with attempting to get any sort of alcoholic beverage. Besides, drinking even a shot of anything after the day I'd had wouldn't amount to anything. I'd just want more and things would spin out of control. Not a very good idea.

The bar wasn't crowded. Seeing that it was only four o'clock on a Thursday evening, that didn't surprise me. The jukebox in the corner belched out some old twangy country song in a scratchy voice. The only other patron in the bar sat in a dark corner with a laptop, the blue glow of the screen alighting his concentrated face. But all I could pay attention to was the dark depths of my drink and the condenstation that dripped from the glass.

"You seem a little young ta be hangin' out in bars."

I blinked and looked up from my glass of Coke to see the bartender standing in front of me. He was staring a me and cleaning a glass with a dirty towel at the same time. I couldn't decide if that took talent or not.

I shrugged. "Yeah. I just needed to get away for a bit. Isn't that what bars are for?"

He laughed deep in his throat and then coughed. Smoker's hack. Nice. "Well, I guess. Never looked inta the history that much. Too borin'." He laughed again. "And if bars are made for gettin' away, then I guess old men like mahself were made for tellin' yer problems to. Got anythang interestin' ya wanna talk about?"

I shrugged and he laughed, setting down the glass he'd been cleaning in exchange for another one.

"Lemme guess. Yer age…yer about a senur, right?" I nodded. "Yeah. I 'member bein' that age. Always women problems. Well. lemme tell ya. Women are bitches, but you gotta get over that. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, I always say."

I nodded. It wouldn't make any difference to him whether it was a girl or guy problem, and who knew if he'd kick me out of the bar for even thinking about dating a guy. I would much rather not take that risk.

"So, that it? You havin' problems with yer girl?"

"You could say that."

"Then whatcha doin' here for? Ya oughtta be out buyin' that fine lady some roses and wine. Wait. Yer too young ta be buyin' wine, but oh well. Ya gotta make do with whatcha got, I guess. But anyway… Ya need to spoil 'er. Tell 'er she's pretty, buy 'er some jewelry. Ya know. She's probly the best thing that'll ever happen to ya, boy."

"I guess."

"Whaddya mean, 'I guess'? What kinda thought is that? It's more than a 'I guess' when it comes ta women. Get it while the goin's good, ya know? Once yer old and decrepit like mahself, you ain't gonna get no women wanna spend time witchya. Yer young and still gotta spring in yer step. I'm sure all the gurls in yer school wanna piece of ya. Am I right?"

I shrugged. "Not really."

He snorted and coughed really hard for about a minute. He needed to get that checked out soon. It was kind of scary. "Well then, that's even more reason for ya to hold onta the woman ya got right now. You let goa her and that's it. You ain't got nobody."

Behind me the door jingled as someone walked in and the bartender smiled at me before walking away. More important things to take care of like a new guest, probably someone who would actually be old enough and have the money to afford a beer or two.

"Welcome, young sir. Anythang I can do fer ya?"

"I'm just here for that, and then I'll be leaving."

My shoulders stiffened as the bartender laughed and a hand closed around my shoulder. Axel.

"Well, you have fun with that boy. Help 'im out with his woman problems, will ya? I'm sure he could use it"

Axel laughed and tugged on my shoulder until I stood up. "I'll try my hardest, but this guy's got a head of steel on him. Can't get in for nothin'."

The bartender laughed and nodded, and then Axel was steering me out of the bar. It was all I could do to not pull my arm out of his grip and run away. I did _not_ want to led home by him. Hell, I didn't want to be led home by anyone, but he was worse. I was surprised, though, when he steered me down an alley instead. I looked at him in confusion, but he just smiled and pushed me against a wall

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, but that doesn't mean you have to kill me."

He laughed and moved in so his mouth was beside my ear. "Who said I was going to kill you?"

He kissed me instead and I gasped into his mouth. Something was different about this kiss compared to the last one. Maybe it was that I had finally come to terms with whatever I was feeling for him. Who knows? All I knew was that I couldn't help but to arch against his body and open my mouth when his tongue probed against my lips. The alley was filled with moans and sighs, breaths and the shifting of clothing against clothing.

When Axel pulled away, my mind was hazy. The dizziness from earlier had returned, but not so heavily. I fell forward and rested my forehead against Axel's shouler, sighing as his arms wrapped around me and he rested his check atop my head.

Right at that moment, something clicked in my mind. This felt right. Axel holding me against him as I took deep, calming breaths felt perfectly right. So I let my arms move from my sides to snake around his waist and hold him to me. The sigh that followed was magical and went straight to my toes.

"This is a nice change from the whole punching thing," he muttered quietly.

I laughed and slapped him gently on the back. "Don't get used to it."

"Oh, I like kinky."

"Wow. You're sick. Maybe I should reconsider this decision."

"Hey, I was only kidding! Don't--"

I cut him off with a kiss, and it was one of the most amazing sights in the world to see his eyes widen slightly before they closed and he returned it.

"I think I want to try this out," I whispered against his lips.

He laughed. "Good, because I don't think I'd be able to leave you alone if you tried to walk away from me right now."

"I have issues."

He kissed my forehead. "I won't leave."

"I'll get scared."

He kissed the tip of my nose. "I'll hold your hand."

"I'll try to run away."

He kissed my lips. "I'll chase you down."

"I'm scared already."

He smiled and brushed my bangs out of my face so he could look into my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "We should probably head back to my house before it gets too late."

Axel nodded. "Yeah. Naminé's been a nervous wreck. She sent me, Riku, and Sora out to look for you when you didn't come back soon enough for her."

"Jesus, that girl is insane," I groaned. "I've only been gone half an hour or so."

"Just goes to show how much she loves you."

"I guess."

He laughed and held out his hand. I took it, hesitating slightly, but he didn't seem to mind. When our fingers twined together I sighed and let a happy smile drift across my face.

Even though I'd fallen down a flight of stairs, walked into a door, and nearly been run over by a car because I was so captivated and terrified by the thought of the man that stood beside me, I was happy. True, I was horrified at the same time, but I knew that he and Naminé would be able to help me with that. I believed everything he'd said. If I tried to run away, I knew that he would chase me down, and Naminé would be close behind. And if I managed to trip over my own feet and fall off a cliff, well…I'm sure they'd both follow then too, but I was hoping to never have to test that theory.

As scared as I was, though, I knew that trusting Axel with this was the right thing to do. It's going to be interesting to see how everything works out, but I'm sure it'll be fun in the end.

**-OWARI-**

Yay, it's done!!! Uuumm…about six months later, but it's done! _:cheers:_ Heheh. Yeah, this has definitely been fun to write, even though it took so long. I can honestly say that I really wouldn't have been able to write the "fight" scene between Roxas and Naminé at an earlier date. I had to go through some personal shit before I was able to write that scene to my satisfaction. And I know that the ending is kinda fast, but...you know... Endings can be an issue for me sometimes...

On other things, particularly "Understanding." It's alive...ish... LoL. I mean, I'm working on it. I'm about four pages or so into the next chapter. Honestly, I started writing the next chapter in Riku's point of view and then decided that it would work better in Sora's...so I started rewriting it. Since the rewriting process has started, I've had an easier time getting things onto paper than I did while trying to work with Riku's POV. Hopefully that's a good sign...For anyone who would like to stay up-to-date on my writing process and things I'm working, you can check out my homepage link in my profile. It will take you to my blog, which I update rather consistantly...

**(11.5.2008)** Yesterday our country became a better place and proved that it's worth something. I hope most of you were able to feel the same amount of inspration I have felt over the past two days, either while you watched the election coverage last night or woke up this morning to discover that Obama is the next president elect. But I send my love out to everyone, no matter who you voted for. We did it, guys!

Kolie  
Page 20  
November 4, 2008  
5:47 PM


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